this is where i am
Tuesday 2 August 2011
Thursday 16 December 2010
Kitty Karlisle and Love every morning
Lamentations 3:22 and 23
"Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness."
I just love those two verses. I am having a hard time putting into words what I want to say. I don't know if there are words.
Here is an idea.
«My dad is an Insurance man so he has an office downtown in Alliance, and a few weeks ago a two little kittens showed up at the front door of the office asking for board and room, well they weren't asking but you know what I mean. Well one little kitten didn't want to stay so he split but the other one decided to become the mascot of State Farm Insurance of Alliance. We call her Kitty Karlisle and she lives at the office. As I sit in the middle room typing Kitty decides she wants to climb up my leg using her claws to their fullest abilities. Earlier she also decided that my green scarf I got in Italy would be a wonderful toy to chew and claw at. She walks across my computer keys, swipes at my hand when I go to pet her and nibbles on my fingers if she gets annoyed.»
But for as much as she annoys me, scratches me or puts holes in my practically irreplaceable italian scarves, I just cannot be mad at her. She's just to darn cute. Each day when I come to the office I hurry back to the kitchen where she lives to scoop her up and act like a complete idiot as I talk to her in a baby voice and hold her to my face.
If I was a kitten and God was a human, that's how it would be.
The crazy thing is, God's love is even stronger. We are not just kittens to him, we are his children, his bride. Every single morning He loves us just as much as ever, no matter what we did the day before. Every morning He never fails.
I wonder how many times I have swiped at God's hands as they have tried to hold me, how many times I have scratched Him as he has tried to protect me, or bring me back to where I belong. How many beautifully soft scarves have I ruined?
But He still loves me.
Wednesday 15 December 2010
Mood Ring. You know those cheap little rings you can get at any gas station counter in the United States of America. Yeah well, the plus side of mine was it was free. I found in on campus, all lonely and forgotten in the middle of the sidewalk. The downside of mine is...it is broken. Either that or I never have a mood, unless you count kind of mottled black greeny ness a mood (but I don't think the explanation card has that color on it) I still love it. It fits right on my pinkie and I wear it almost everyday. A reminder that nothing can tell me what my mood should be or is. That's my job. I can change my mood if I need to. And trust me, sometimes I need to.
A new year coming
I sit at the 'peninsula' in my lovely western Nebraska home after my first semester of University. It is 10:03 Mountain Time. I'll recap my day for you. (it may or may not have not been an extravagantly audacious day...deal with it)
7:15, wake up, hit snooze.
7:30, wake up, again, shower. Put on clean underwear, jeans from yesterday, purple Steadfast and Dapper T, and grandpa cardigan.
8:00, coffee with Mom and Dad at Newberry's Common Grounds (the hip new coffee joint downtown)
9:00 head to "work" with Mom and Dad, play with Kitty Karlisle, write thank you's and organize old files for Dad.
11:35, picked up by one of my favorite people in the world, Lauren, get food at Wonderful Kitchen for some of my other favorite people in the world, eat.
1:00, more organizing for Dad.
2:00, drop in on some old teachers.
2:30, Spongebob with Lauren, all you can eat ribbon candy buffet.
3:30, pick up sister from school, grocery store visit, home to begin dinner.
4:45, Mom and Dad home, dinner (spaghetti)
6:30 off to Awana. Enjoy hearing Mom speak, tear up, Facebook post and sing some songs.
8:00, home.
Well, yeah, just a normal day I guess. Just the fact that I am home, Mom and Dad and Carlie are back in my every moment vocabulary, and that it is Christmas time just makes my heart sing.
It sure has been a while since I last blogged. The last time I wrote anything I was abroad. You know, I think it was because I thought that maybe last year while in England there was something extraordinary about my life, where I was what I was doing, that maybe, after I returned home to the USA I thought had went away. My life is normal, back to ordinary. Why blog about it? Who would want to read about it? What do I have to say? All of those things went through my mind as I thought about maybe writing something.
After all, my life is just ordinary...right?
I'm not so sure.
Maybe my life is EXTRA-ordinary.
From God's view point there must be something special about me if He gives me the gift of His son. What the heck is he thinking? I don't deserve it, that is one thing I know for sure. But sure enough, there it is, that gift of eternal life that is a part of me every single day I wake up and keep breathing.
So I would like to make a toast. To all of those whose lives are extraordinary, let's live like they are...like WE are!
7:15, wake up, hit snooze.
7:30, wake up, again, shower. Put on clean underwear, jeans from yesterday, purple Steadfast and Dapper T, and grandpa cardigan.
8:00, coffee with Mom and Dad at Newberry's Common Grounds (the hip new coffee joint downtown)
9:00 head to "work" with Mom and Dad, play with Kitty Karlisle, write thank you's and organize old files for Dad.
11:35, picked up by one of my favorite people in the world, Lauren, get food at Wonderful Kitchen for some of my other favorite people in the world, eat.
1:00, more organizing for Dad.
2:00, drop in on some old teachers.
2:30, Spongebob with Lauren, all you can eat ribbon candy buffet.
3:30, pick up sister from school, grocery store visit, home to begin dinner.
4:45, Mom and Dad home, dinner (spaghetti)
6:30 off to Awana. Enjoy hearing Mom speak, tear up, Facebook post and sing some songs.
8:00, home.
Well, yeah, just a normal day I guess. Just the fact that I am home, Mom and Dad and Carlie are back in my every moment vocabulary, and that it is Christmas time just makes my heart sing.
It sure has been a while since I last blogged. The last time I wrote anything I was abroad. You know, I think it was because I thought that maybe last year while in England there was something extraordinary about my life, where I was what I was doing, that maybe, after I returned home to the USA I thought had went away. My life is normal, back to ordinary. Why blog about it? Who would want to read about it? What do I have to say? All of those things went through my mind as I thought about maybe writing something.
After all, my life is just ordinary...right?
I'm not so sure.
Maybe my life is EXTRA-ordinary.
From God's view point there must be something special about me if He gives me the gift of His son. What the heck is he thinking? I don't deserve it, that is one thing I know for sure. But sure enough, there it is, that gift of eternal life that is a part of me every single day I wake up and keep breathing.
So I would like to make a toast. To all of those whose lives are extraordinary, let's live like they are...like WE are!
Thursday 3 June 2010
Who do you want to LIVE for?
intercession...
'the act of intervening on behalf of another...the action of saying a prayer on behalf of another person.'
a beautiful thing. and very needed. we must intercede for people, both for those who don't know Jesus and also for our brothers and sisters in Christ.
~Jesus interceded~
prayer is powerful, a necessity, we need that time of intimacy with God. we read a book during Spring School, Don't Just Stand There PRAY Something, was the title (very very run on in style) in the book the author talked about prayer not being a cop-out or a weak alternative to true action. prayer is powerful, i have seen it work, prayer is powerful...it is not weak.
while talking with Q last evening, a conversation where so many beautiful things were discussed, this subject came up. Q looked at me and said,
"When was the last time we actually asked someone we know does not know Christ if they wanted Him, when was the last time we asked, who do you want to live your life for? yourself or Jesus?"
WHAT?!?!
yes, i pray that my friends who do not know Jesus to come to the knowledge of Him, I pray that God would open up opportunities to talk to them about Him, to be a light in their life. but honestly, when was the last time I actually asked them if they WANTED Jesus. i tend to think that if i have already told them about the saving Grace of God through the death and resurrection of Jesus, that i don't need to ask again, they know what they need to do don't they, i have already told them, they just need to accept...right?
that is what Q made me think about,
that is what she has been thinking about.
what a huge call to act, a blaring siren, a giant red flag waving in hurricane force winds, a slap to the face and a voice screaming directly into my unconsciously and (often times) consciously blocked ear canal.
when was the last time i asked those i have been praying for that question?
have i actually EVER asked them that question?
[i write this as much for a wake up call for myself just as much...no, even more so for me than for you! i MUST live what i preach, i must practice what i say, write, think, believe...i MUST MUST MUST MUST!]
'the act of intervening on behalf of another...the action of saying a prayer on behalf of another person.'
a beautiful thing. and very needed. we must intercede for people, both for those who don't know Jesus and also for our brothers and sisters in Christ.
~Jesus interceded~
prayer is powerful, a necessity, we need that time of intimacy with God. we read a book during Spring School, Don't Just Stand There PRAY Something, was the title (very very run on in style) in the book the author talked about prayer not being a cop-out or a weak alternative to true action. prayer is powerful, i have seen it work, prayer is powerful...it is not weak.
~but~
while talking with Q last evening, a conversation where so many beautiful things were discussed, this subject came up. Q looked at me and said,
"When was the last time we actually asked someone we know does not know Christ if they wanted Him, when was the last time we asked, who do you want to live your life for? yourself or Jesus?"
WHAT?!?!
yes, i pray that my friends who do not know Jesus to come to the knowledge of Him, I pray that God would open up opportunities to talk to them about Him, to be a light in their life. but honestly, when was the last time I actually asked them if they WANTED Jesus. i tend to think that if i have already told them about the saving Grace of God through the death and resurrection of Jesus, that i don't need to ask again, they know what they need to do don't they, i have already told them, they just need to accept...right?
[maybe not]
that is what Q made me think about,
that is what she has been thinking about.
what a huge call to act, a blaring siren, a giant red flag waving in hurricane force winds, a slap to the face and a voice screaming directly into my unconsciously and (often times) consciously blocked ear canal.
when was the last time i asked those i have been praying for that question?
have i actually EVER asked them that question?
***************************************
...we need to ask...
"Who do you want to LIVE for? Yourself or Jesus?"
[i write this as much for a wake up call for myself just as much...no, even more so for me than for you! i MUST live what i preach, i must practice what i say, write, think, believe...i MUST MUST MUST MUST!]
Wednesday 2 June 2010
"Ask me about Jesus"
I used to have a little red button that I would put on my backpack I would use for school that had that little 'slogan' on it. I thought I was pretty cool, taking a step out for Jesus, doing my part for the kingdom...
Maybe I was...maybe I wasn't
Maybe it was a cool thing, something that did invite others to actually ask me about my, then, very young and flimsy faith. It was a step in proclaiming the Good News that is Jesus Christ, a step in growing, a step in the right direction. But just a step non-the-less.
Now, after thinking about it...merely offering, and on a button, to be asked about Jesus means it is up to whoever else, whoever reads the tiny little button to walk up to me and voice their question.
But wait...
I am the one with the Good News!
I am the one with the knowledge...
the hope...
the voice of the saving Grace of Jesus Christ.
Why am I waiting for someone to come up to me and ask me about Jesus. Should I not be going out there, and screaming about Jesus at the top of my lungs, on every street corner, at every chance I get.
Maybe I should view everyone I see as someone who is wearing a big flashing billboard on their shoulders that says..."TELL me about Jesus!" They need to hear it anyway, it is not me that needs to tell them. And so many people do not know that they need to hear the News that is Jesus Christ. So many people do not yet feel the Christ shaped hole in their heart. So many people do no know...
they just don't know...
Maybe I was...maybe I wasn't
Maybe it was a cool thing, something that did invite others to actually ask me about my, then, very young and flimsy faith. It was a step in proclaiming the Good News that is Jesus Christ, a step in growing, a step in the right direction. But just a step non-the-less.
Now, after thinking about it...merely offering, and on a button, to be asked about Jesus means it is up to whoever else, whoever reads the tiny little button to walk up to me and voice their question.
But wait...
I am the one with the Good News!
I am the one with the knowledge...
the hope...
the voice of the saving Grace of Jesus Christ.
Why am I waiting for someone to come up to me and ask me about Jesus. Should I not be going out there, and screaming about Jesus at the top of my lungs, on every street corner, at every chance I get.
Maybe I should view everyone I see as someone who is wearing a big flashing billboard on their shoulders that says..."TELL me about Jesus!" They need to hear it anyway, it is not me that needs to tell them. And so many people do not know that they need to hear the News that is Jesus Christ. So many people do not yet feel the Christ shaped hole in their heart. So many people do no know...
they just don't know...
Beau's Mind
Alright, enjoy reading into my mind, this is where it has gone over the past thirty or so minutes this first day of the sixth month of June in the year of 2010 AD...
12 Days...
This is officially the month that I will go home.
12 Days...
I am ready to go home.
12 Days...
Am I really ready to go home?
12 Days...
This has been the most amazing 9 months of my entire life. If I was asked to put the whole experience into one sentence I don't think I could possibly do it any justice at all, not even in one paragraph. To much has been worked in me, to much has been worked through me, to much has changed, to much has been driven in further, to much to much to much to even put words too. But there are two words that put all the other words to shame...Jesus Christ...those two words are all that matter. Without those two words the last 9 months would have been nothing, notta, zilch, zip, zero.
"I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in Him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ - the righteousness that comes from God on the basis of faith."
Philippians 3:8 & 9
......
.......
Dreams
I want to be on Broadway. That is the most simple, and blunt way I can say it. I think it's crazy, it is crazy, but I want to do it. I've had it on my bucket list for a while now, but always as a kind of far out there just fun thing to have on a list thing. But, I WANT TO DO IT!
I don't care if I am the smallest part in the smallest production, but I want to do it.
You know, so many people would wonder how legitimate this dream is, so many people would ask how I am going to serve God if I do move to New York and wait for my big break. But you know, how am I serving God if I do not use the gifts he has given me? How is it serving God, if I do not follow the dreams he has placed in my heart?
......
......
If I could have any super power I would want the super power to either take away the pain of others, or a super power to make people forget their pain. I think of Jasper in the Twilight series (how embarrassing is that?) But he can control the emotions of anyone within a certain radius of him. How awesome would that be to be able to make people feel happy? How cool would it be to be able to allow someone to stop hurting.
......
......
this is where my mind has gone in the past few minutes. i must be insane...
.....
......
The background of my computer just changed to a picture I took of Notre Dame Cathedral in Paris. I cannot believe that I was there, just over a month ago. Mom and I saw Europe just over a month ago. London, Paris, Florence and Rome. What an awesome spring break that was. The history, the food, the people, time with my favorite mom...
Versailles comes up next on my desktop. The vastness of those grounds still astounds me as I look at the picture littered with so many people from all over the world walking up and down the gravel paths leading to the Grand Canal and off into the distance to the other 'smaller' villas and hamlets of the palace. I remember mom and I chatting as we walked back from Marie Antoinette's hamlet, I asked,
"Do you think that the royal family, if they had children, do you think they ever got bored with all of this? Like, do you think that the kids ever said they were bored and then the king said something like well go take a ride on the Grand Canal I mean we have like 9 ships on that thing, surely you can have some fun on there, or what about, go and take a horse back ride, we have hundreds of horses..." Is it all relative? I mean, as much as I hate to say it, I do get bored with the things I have, and I should not, I have more than enough to keep me satisfied and those things are not even what satisfy. But, with all of those things, a home the size of a small town, and a back yard the size of who knows what, I can still see the kids becoming bored with it.
Contentment, is quite a good escape artist after all.
he always has a way of slipping right out of our grip...or maybe we just do not hold on hard enough.
......
.....
The best thing I will be taking home from Capernwray, yes better than all the awesome clothes I have gotten at all my new favorite stores, better than the british versions of Harry Potter, better than even the Trebor Mints that I LOVE, are the memories that I have made, the memories with friends, with God. The times that I have laughed, the times that I have cried, the times that I have enjoyed and the times that I have not enjoyed. Those are what are most important. Those things that do not add weight to my already heavy suitcase, they do not need to be declared as I go through customs to enter back into the United States of America, things that no one can see, no can hear, no one can feel, touch, smell, taste or understand. But those things I can hear, can feel, can touch, can smell, can remember...always remember. Those memories are the most important things. But they are not only memories, they are promises of the future. Promises of continued friendship, even though an ocean may separate us, promises of fun to come, promises of a continued relationship with my Lord. The best promises.
.....
.....
12 days left to enjoy this place, to enjoy the people, and yes even to enjoy the sheep...
12 days
Thank God for those 12 glorious days.
12 Days...
This is officially the month that I will go home.
12 Days...
I am ready to go home.
12 Days...
Am I really ready to go home?
12 Days...
This has been the most amazing 9 months of my entire life. If I was asked to put the whole experience into one sentence I don't think I could possibly do it any justice at all, not even in one paragraph. To much has been worked in me, to much has been worked through me, to much has changed, to much has been driven in further, to much to much to much to even put words too. But there are two words that put all the other words to shame...Jesus Christ...those two words are all that matter. Without those two words the last 9 months would have been nothing, notta, zilch, zip, zero.
"I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in Him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ - the righteousness that comes from God on the basis of faith."
Philippians 3:8 & 9
......
.......
Dreams
I want to be on Broadway. That is the most simple, and blunt way I can say it. I think it's crazy, it is crazy, but I want to do it. I've had it on my bucket list for a while now, but always as a kind of far out there just fun thing to have on a list thing. But, I WANT TO DO IT!
I don't care if I am the smallest part in the smallest production, but I want to do it.
You know, so many people would wonder how legitimate this dream is, so many people would ask how I am going to serve God if I do move to New York and wait for my big break. But you know, how am I serving God if I do not use the gifts he has given me? How is it serving God, if I do not follow the dreams he has placed in my heart?
......
......
If I could have any super power I would want the super power to either take away the pain of others, or a super power to make people forget their pain. I think of Jasper in the Twilight series (how embarrassing is that?) But he can control the emotions of anyone within a certain radius of him. How awesome would that be to be able to make people feel happy? How cool would it be to be able to allow someone to stop hurting.
......
......
this is where my mind has gone in the past few minutes. i must be insane...
.....
......
The background of my computer just changed to a picture I took of Notre Dame Cathedral in Paris. I cannot believe that I was there, just over a month ago. Mom and I saw Europe just over a month ago. London, Paris, Florence and Rome. What an awesome spring break that was. The history, the food, the people, time with my favorite mom...
Versailles comes up next on my desktop. The vastness of those grounds still astounds me as I look at the picture littered with so many people from all over the world walking up and down the gravel paths leading to the Grand Canal and off into the distance to the other 'smaller' villas and hamlets of the palace. I remember mom and I chatting as we walked back from Marie Antoinette's hamlet, I asked,
"Do you think that the royal family, if they had children, do you think they ever got bored with all of this? Like, do you think that the kids ever said they were bored and then the king said something like well go take a ride on the Grand Canal I mean we have like 9 ships on that thing, surely you can have some fun on there, or what about, go and take a horse back ride, we have hundreds of horses..." Is it all relative? I mean, as much as I hate to say it, I do get bored with the things I have, and I should not, I have more than enough to keep me satisfied and those things are not even what satisfy. But, with all of those things, a home the size of a small town, and a back yard the size of who knows what, I can still see the kids becoming bored with it.
Contentment, is quite a good escape artist after all.
he always has a way of slipping right out of our grip...or maybe we just do not hold on hard enough.
......
.....
The best thing I will be taking home from Capernwray, yes better than all the awesome clothes I have gotten at all my new favorite stores, better than the british versions of Harry Potter, better than even the Trebor Mints that I LOVE, are the memories that I have made, the memories with friends, with God. The times that I have laughed, the times that I have cried, the times that I have enjoyed and the times that I have not enjoyed. Those are what are most important. Those things that do not add weight to my already heavy suitcase, they do not need to be declared as I go through customs to enter back into the United States of America, things that no one can see, no can hear, no one can feel, touch, smell, taste or understand. But those things I can hear, can feel, can touch, can smell, can remember...always remember. Those memories are the most important things. But they are not only memories, they are promises of the future. Promises of continued friendship, even though an ocean may separate us, promises of fun to come, promises of a continued relationship with my Lord. The best promises.
.....
.....
12 days left to enjoy this place, to enjoy the people, and yes even to enjoy the sheep...
12 days
Thank God for those 12 glorious days.
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