Spring Time

As I sit by the pond it's surface barely moving clear enough to see the mossy bottom on a clear cool evening filled with floating swarms of tiny nats and a hint of coming summer I glory in all of gods wonderful creation. Ducklings. Tiny baby bunny rabbits gray swan ducklings a first for me. So many new little creatures that have only been alive for maybe a week their parents cautiously watching me walk by and find my seat on the nearby picnic table softly quaking or rustling about in the bushes just to warn their children there could be possible danger. As I sit down a mother duck and two ducklings splash quickly away across the pond to the opposite bank I think of how this is one of the most glorious pictures of our god I have ever seen. He watches over so diligently so caring and so gentle. But always there to tell us to run to watch out for the danger that is so much dangerous than me sitting down at the table. I watch the ducklings dnking into the water just as their parents do tryong to copy them they are learning survival skills right in front Of my eyes skills that will keep them alive. Important things just like the important things I have been learning here at capernwray. Things that will kep me alive for well eternity. Skills that I have learned starting with my parents at home and now with many "parents" here. Skills I learn direct fr god through his word and through my brothers and sisters. With spring in full swing great excitent is in the air but also extreme sadness and anxiety. I have to say good bye to this place soon say goodbye to this country. Say goodbye to the absolutely amazing people I have come to love. Is itnot fitting that at this time in the year when everything is new fresh and starting over that I to must start over be fresh and have yet another "new life". I have to grow up now. Be on my own next year. It's spring time. I've seen lots of them and yet this one holds great significance in my life.
But there is still a little chill in the air a little bit of the hard winter England has seen this year is holding on. The winter in me won't fade that easy either it clings on with all it'd strength and some help from the enemyas he tries to foil gods wonderful plan for life. He doesn't like the spring Happening in me he hated it and he will do all he can to freeze it over again. I must fight back swith all the spring I have with a much greater help from god the father. His springtime is so much more powerful than any frost the enemy can send my way.

Sun

The past two days have been insanely warm here at Capernwray. It was literally 80 some degrees yesterday for Open Day there 976 people here visiting and they even got the huge slip inside out in the pasture out front. All the students got a go in the evening after our dinner. It was a blast but now I am so sore from all the running and sliding! But it was worth it.

I'm forlorn today. Even through all the sun and warmth and beauty of coming summer, I am forlorn. What does that word even mean? "pitifully sad or lonely." what a crap word, but it's true. forlorn.

Charity, our wonderful RA here at Capes, gave the message this morning at church. She spoke on the power of our thoughts, the control that the enemy can have over them, and how they just eat us up.

Isn't that just so true, our thoughts are so powerfully helpful or hurtful. I mean like really powerful. I have spent the last 9 months thinking to myself..."DO NOT GET SICK, DO NOT GET SICK, DO NOT GET SICK." and you know what, I have not been sick once in the past 9 flippin' months! It works. But also our thought can be hurtful. I find myself just beating myself up inside, worrying, thinking and reading to much into situations and how I and others in my life are feeling. My thoughts eat me from the inside out. Even when it is absolutely beautiful outside.

I ask God for the courage to take His Joy that he gives us everyday fresh and new. A joy better than the springtime a joy deeper than the core of the earth itself. A joy so wonderful that we cannot manufacture it here on earth.

Joy, I take the joy of the Lord Almighty.

the amazingness of God's word

Is it not the coolest thing when the God of the universe just speaks to you straight out of his word?

And on top of that, getting to share that with someone and having it speak to them in the same way!

Our God is incredible!

Psalm 16…read it, over and over and over…

What promises, what contentment can come from the verses contained in this song, this psalm, this little poem. As I read them on 16 May, God was speaking straight into my heart from his word. One of the most incredible experiences of my life, and yet so simple.

Galatians 6:11 Paul writes,

“See what large letters I use as I write to you with my own hand.”

Reading this in Galatians just gave me a picture of Paul, sitting somewhere, penning this letter to the people of Galatia, and as he comes to what is now chapter six, he changes his handwriting and begins to write in big block capital letters. He is driving his point home, he wants to make sure that the Galatians really do get what he is trying to say.

I do this all the time when I write letters, if there is something that I really want the recipient of my letter to get, to understand and to truly feel, I USE BLOCK CAPS! I just love that Paul did this too. And what better to do it for than for the glory of God? There is nothing better is there? NO!!!

This verse just made the fact that this book I am reading thousands of years later, really was a letter at one time, sent in some prehistoric way, no stamps, so post code used to let the mail service know where it was supposed to go. Just a scroll, maybe tied together, or sealed with wax, just a letter. May the church in Galatia was waiting for it, maybe they had no idea it was coming, maybe it was a wonderful surprise to see Paul’s greeting at the beginning of the letter, maybe all the elders gathered around as someone read it out loud, then maybe everyone listened raptly as they read it to the greater congregation.

I love getting mail. It is something to think that a little piece of paper has been under a dear friends hand, has had a little bit of their soul placed onto the paper in blue, black, green or red ink. Their mind has thought about what words they were putting down on that thin piece of tree, maybe wondered if I would laugh at what they had written, or wondered if their words were really enough….I know i think those things when I write letters. Then this letter has traveled thousands of miles across a huge expanse of ocean to make it right into my pigeon hole labeled with ‘N’ where I run up from the conference hall at coffee break to find it there sitting, waiting for me.

The beauty of the written word is beyond. Thank God he gave us the gift of words and writing.

Work...and the changes of my heart.

Well...I've never really been a huge fan of working. I like playing. Lots of free time to sit and read my favorite books (and a new one every now and again) to watch a good movie, talk with a good friend, or just sit quietly and listen.

But work, too, has its great opportunities for growth, fun and enjoyment.
I have worked since 8 this morning, it is now almost 4 in the afternoon. Probably one of the longer days I have worked in the recent past. And, as exhausting as it has been, it was a great day.

My feet hurt.
But I used the pain to remind me of how little and insignificant it is compared to what many other people suffer on a daily basis, what Jesus suffered on the cross, and what I will probably suffer in my future.

I am tired.
But I said, "there is time to be tired later." I did not want to slough off what I needed to do today, I wanted to make sure Capernwray Hall was ready for the ladies of this weekends ladies conference to enjoy.

I leave tomorrow.
But I did not want to use that as an excuse for not doing my job. I wanted to do the very best that I could do for the Glory of God.

This is a little bit of a "go Beau" post, but this is a big milestone for me. I am learning to no longer do things for myself, I do things for God. And because of that, I do things better. I do things more efficiently. I do things without complaining as much. I do things, and I enjoy them more because I KNOW God is enjoying the praise I am giving him in my actions and thoughts.

One thing I have learned in my time here at Capernwray, in lectures, in my travels, in my quiet times, God is everywhere. He is in the small things, the big things, the ordinary things, the extraordinary things, the new things, the old things, the sad things and the happy things.

God is everywhere!

The power of a picture.

A picture is worth a thousand words...

We have all heard that one, in disney movies, from our parents, on the news, and in magazines. It has been proven over and over by tabloids across the planet. Pictures have the power to ruin lives, end jobs, relationships and to devastate.

They also have the power to evoke real strong and raw emotion. Emotion that is connected to the memory of the first look at that picture. Emotion that will forever be in my heart, and mind.

The background on my beautiful MacBook Pro changes every minute. I have hundreds of pictures in a folder that are prepared to come up next. I don't know what connections go on inside this hunk of technology to make them come up or what decides which one comes on next, but sometimes, most times, the picture that comes up next is the perfect picture to me.

God is even in technology. He is everywhere!

Pictures of The first term of Capernwray pop up...Kinsley and I, on a bench together at Windermear Lake...Kyia, Amy, Brady, Libby and I on the tower the very first week of winter school, posing like crazy people...
Pictures of home...Rahne and I at my Graduation Party...Mom, Dad, Carlie and I at the airport in Denver the day I left for school...and so many pictures of this past summer...tubing with Brandon...Carlie on the jet ski...

Pictures so close to my heart they might actually be living breathing things. They dance into my cornea's and awaken so many different thoughts, emotions and feelings inside me it is so hard to remember that they are just a moment caught in time, a moment that is gone, forever never to be retrieved...a moment that can only be remembered through a picture. But are they something more? That moment is also in my memory, a thing more powerful sometimes than anything I have ever witnessed.

But that is a whole other subject...

Read With Me! cont'd

Matthew 16
v. 24 and following

These are some of the hardest verses I have read. "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it.

Wow. How powerful is that? We must take up our cross...what does that mean? In Bible times it was very literal. As followers of Christ the disciples were risking their lives to follow him. If they were charged and ordered to be crucified they would have to literally take up and carry their cross up to the crucifixion site. But what about today...I myself haven't heard of anyone being crucified in Alliance...well ever really. What does it mean to take up our cross for Jesus sake? We must still commit to Jesus whole heartedly, and maybe sometimes that might mean we lose friends, lose position, lose family even, and yes we might still lose our life. Many people die for their faith every day. In the western world we do not see this as much as in the east, where persecution is real and harsh. But it still is not an easy way out to be a follower of Christ.

"What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul?" (v.26) This is now a song with the lyrics "I don't wanna gain the whole world and lose my soul" which is very true. So many things tell us to go out their and try and conquer the world, make all the money you can and do it any way, lie...steal...cheat your way to the top. We see many of the super rich charged with bribery, embezzlement and so many other illegal things that got them their wealth and luxury. But if we gain the whole world and lose our souls, in the end was it worth it? Absolutely not.

Matthew 17
How strong is faith?
v. 21
"I tell you if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. nothing will be impossible for you."

That is AWESOME completely and utterly awesome! Faith is our greatest asset, our most powerful weapon, our biggest defender! Faith that can move mountains.