Kitty Karlisle and Love every morning

Lamentations 3:22 and 23
"Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness."


I just love those two verses. I am having a hard time putting into words what I want to say. I don't know if there are words.

Here is an idea.

«My dad is an Insurance man so he has an office downtown in Alliance, and a few weeks ago a two little kittens showed up at the front door of the office asking for board and room, well they weren't asking but you know what I mean. Well one little kitten didn't want to stay so he split but the other one decided to become the mascot of State Farm Insurance of Alliance. We call her Kitty Karlisle and she lives at the office. As I sit in the middle room typing Kitty decides she wants to climb up my leg using her claws to their fullest abilities. Earlier she also decided that my green scarf I got in Italy would be a wonderful toy to chew and claw at. She walks across my computer keys, swipes at my hand when I go to pet her and nibbles on my fingers if she gets annoyed.»

But for as much as she annoys me, scratches me or puts holes in my practically irreplaceable italian scarves, I just cannot be mad at her. She's just to darn cute. Each day when I come to the office I hurry back to the kitchen where she lives to scoop her up and act like a complete idiot as I talk to her in a baby voice and hold her to my face.

If I was a kitten and God was a human, that's how it would be.

The crazy thing is, God's love is even stronger. We are not just kittens to him, we are his children, his bride. Every single morning He loves us just as much as ever, no matter what we did the day before. Every morning He never fails.

I wonder how many times I have swiped at God's hands as they have tried to hold me, how many times I have scratched Him as he has tried to protect me, or bring me back to where I belong. How many beautifully soft scarves have I ruined?

But He still loves me.

Mood Ring. You know those cheap little rings you can get at any gas station counter in the United States of America. Yeah well, the plus side of mine was it was free. I found in on campus, all lonely and forgotten in the middle of the sidewalk. The downside of mine is...it is broken. Either that or I never have a mood, unless you count kind of mottled black greeny ness a mood (but I don't think the explanation card has that color on it) I still love it. It fits right on my pinkie and I wear it almost everyday. A reminder that nothing can tell me what my mood should be or is. That's my job. I can change my mood if I need to. And trust me, sometimes I need to.

A new year coming

I sit at the 'peninsula' in my lovely western Nebraska home after my first semester of University. It is 10:03 Mountain Time. I'll recap my day for you. (it may or may not have not been an extravagantly audacious day...deal with it)
7:15, wake up, hit snooze.
7:30, wake up, again, shower. Put on clean underwear, jeans from yesterday, purple Steadfast and Dapper T, and grandpa cardigan.
8:00, coffee with Mom and Dad at Newberry's Common Grounds (the hip new coffee joint downtown)
9:00 head to "work" with Mom and Dad, play with Kitty Karlisle, write thank you's and organize old files for Dad.
11:35, picked up by one of my favorite people in the world, Lauren, get food at Wonderful Kitchen for some of my other favorite people in the world, eat.
1:00, more organizing for Dad.
2:00, drop in on some old teachers.
2:30, Spongebob with Lauren, all you can eat ribbon candy buffet.
3:30, pick up sister from school, grocery store visit, home to begin dinner.
4:45, Mom and Dad home, dinner (spaghetti)
6:30 off to Awana. Enjoy hearing Mom speak, tear up, Facebook post and sing some songs.
8:00, home.

Well, yeah, just a normal day I guess. Just the fact that I am home, Mom and Dad and Carlie are back in my every moment vocabulary, and that it is Christmas time just makes my heart sing.

It sure has been a while since I last blogged. The last time I wrote anything I was abroad. You know, I think it was because I thought that maybe last year while in England there was something extraordinary about my life, where I was what I was doing, that maybe, after I returned home to the USA I thought had went away. My life is normal, back to ordinary. Why blog about it? Who would want to read about it? What do I have to say? All of those things went through my mind as I thought about maybe writing something.

After all, my life is just ordinary...right?

I'm not so sure.

Maybe my life is EXTRA-ordinary.

From God's view point there must be something special about me if He gives me the gift of His son. What the heck is he thinking? I don't deserve it, that is one thing I know for sure. But sure enough, there it is, that gift of eternal life that is a part of me every single day I wake up and keep breathing.

So I would like to make a toast. To all of those whose lives are extraordinary, let's live like they are...like WE are!

Who do you want to LIVE for?

intercession...

'the act of intervening on behalf of another...the action of saying a prayer on behalf of another person.'

a beautiful thing. and very needed. we must intercede for people, both for those who don't know Jesus and also for our brothers and sisters in Christ.
~Jesus interceded~
prayer is powerful, a necessity, we need that time of intimacy with God. we read a book during Spring School, Don't Just Stand There PRAY Something, was the title (very very run on in style) in the book the author talked about prayer not being a cop-out or a weak alternative to true action. prayer is powerful, i have seen it work, prayer is powerful...it is not weak.

~but~

while talking with Q last evening, a conversation where so many beautiful things were discussed, this subject came up. Q looked at me and said,

"When was the last time we actually asked someone we know does not know Christ if they wanted Him, when was the last time we asked, who do you want to live your life for? yourself or Jesus?"

WHAT?!?!

yes, i pray that my friends who do not know Jesus to come to the knowledge of Him, I pray that God would open up opportunities to talk to them about Him, to be a light in their life. but honestly, when was the last time I actually asked them if they WANTED Jesus. i tend to think that if i have already told them about the saving Grace of God through the death and resurrection of Jesus, that i don't need to ask again, they know what they need to do don't they, i have already told them, they just need to accept...right?

[maybe not]

that is what Q made me think about,
that is what she has been thinking about.

what a huge call to act, a blaring siren, a giant red flag waving in hurricane force winds, a slap to the face and a voice screaming directly into my unconsciously and (often times) consciously blocked ear canal.

when was the last time i asked those i have been praying for that question?

have i actually EVER asked them that question?

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...we need to ask...

"Who do you want to LIVE for? Yourself or Jesus?"

[i write this as much for a wake up call for myself just as much...no, even more so for me than for you! i MUST live what i preach, i must practice what i say, write, think, believe...i MUST MUST MUST MUST!]

"Ask me about Jesus"

I used to have a little red button that I would put on my backpack I would use for school that had that little 'slogan' on it. I thought I was pretty cool, taking a step out for Jesus, doing my part for the kingdom...

Maybe I was...maybe I wasn't

Maybe it was a cool thing, something that did invite others to actually ask me about my, then, very young and flimsy faith. It was a step in proclaiming the Good News that is Jesus Christ, a step in growing, a step in the right direction. But just a step non-the-less.

Now, after thinking about it...merely offering, and on a button, to be asked about Jesus means it is up to whoever else, whoever reads the tiny little button to walk up to me and voice their question.

But wait...

I am the one with the Good News!

I am the one with the knowledge...

the hope...

the voice of the saving Grace of Jesus Christ.

Why am I waiting for someone to come up to me and ask me about Jesus. Should I not be going out there, and screaming about Jesus at the top of my lungs, on every street corner, at every chance I get.

Maybe I should view everyone I see as someone who is wearing a big flashing billboard on their shoulders that says..."TELL me about Jesus!" They need to hear it anyway, it is not me that needs to tell them. And so many people do not know that they need to hear the News that is Jesus Christ. So many people do not yet feel the Christ shaped hole in their heart. So many people do no know...
they just don't know...

Beau's Mind

Alright, enjoy reading into my mind, this is where it has gone over the past thirty or so minutes this first day of the sixth month of June in the year of 2010 AD...

12 Days...
This is officially the month that I will go home.
12 Days...
I am ready to go home.
12 Days...
Am I really ready to go home?
12 Days...

This has been the most amazing 9 months of my entire life. If I was asked to put the whole experience into one sentence I don't think I could possibly do it any justice at all, not even in one paragraph. To much has been worked in me, to much has been worked through me, to much has changed, to much has been driven in further, to much to much to much to even put words too. But there are two words that put all the other words to shame...Jesus Christ...those two words are all that matter. Without those two words the last 9 months would have been nothing, notta, zilch, zip, zero.

"I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in Him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ - the righteousness that comes from God on the basis of faith."

Philippians 3:8 & 9

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Dreams

I want to be on Broadway. That is the most simple, and blunt way I can say it. I think it's crazy, it is crazy, but I want to do it. I've had it on my bucket list for a while now, but always as a kind of far out there just fun thing to have on a list thing. But, I WANT TO DO IT!
I don't care if I am the smallest part in the smallest production, but I want to do it.

You know, so many people would wonder how legitimate this dream is, so many people would ask how I am going to serve God if I do move to New York and wait for my big break. But you know, how am I serving God if I do not use the gifts he has given me? How is it serving God, if I do not follow the dreams he has placed in my heart?

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If I could have any super power I would want the super power to either take away the pain of others, or a super power to make people forget their pain. I think of Jasper in the Twilight series (how embarrassing is that?) But he can control the emotions of anyone within a certain radius of him. How awesome would that be to be able to make people feel happy? How cool would it be to be able to allow someone to stop hurting.

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this is where my mind has gone in the past few minutes. i must be insane...


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The background of my computer just changed to a picture I took of Notre Dame Cathedral in Paris. I cannot believe that I was there, just over a month ago. Mom and I saw Europe just over a month ago. London, Paris, Florence and Rome. What an awesome spring break that was. The history, the food, the people, time with my favorite mom...
Versailles comes up next on my desktop. The vastness of those grounds still astounds me as I look at the picture littered with so many people from all over the world walking up and down the gravel paths leading to the Grand Canal and off into the distance to the other 'smaller' villas and hamlets of the palace. I remember mom and I chatting as we walked back from Marie Antoinette's hamlet, I asked,
"Do you think that the royal family, if they had children, do you think they ever got bored with all of this? Like, do you think that the kids ever said they were bored and then the king said something like well go take a ride on the Grand Canal I mean we have like 9 ships on that thing, surely you can have some fun on there, or what about, go and take a horse back ride, we have hundreds of horses..." Is it all relative? I mean, as much as I hate to say it, I do get bored with the things I have, and I should not, I have more than enough to keep me satisfied and those things are not even what satisfy. But, with all of those things, a home the size of a small town, and a back yard the size of who knows what, I can still see the kids becoming bored with it.
Contentment, is quite a good escape artist after all.
he always has a way of slipping right out of our grip...or maybe we just do not hold on hard enough.

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The best thing I will be taking home from Capernwray, yes better than all the awesome clothes I have gotten at all my new favorite stores, better than the british versions of Harry Potter, better than even the Trebor Mints that I LOVE, are the memories that I have made, the memories with friends, with God. The times that I have laughed, the times that I have cried, the times that I have enjoyed and the times that I have not enjoyed. Those are what are most important. Those things that do not add weight to my already heavy suitcase, they do not need to be declared as I go through customs to enter back into the United States of America, things that no one can see, no can hear, no one can feel, touch, smell, taste or understand. But those things I can hear, can feel, can touch, can smell, can remember...always remember. Those memories are the most important things. But they are not only memories, they are promises of the future. Promises of continued friendship, even though an ocean may separate us, promises of fun to come, promises of a continued relationship with my Lord. The best promises.

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12 days left to enjoy this place, to enjoy the people, and yes even to enjoy the sheep...
12 days
Thank God for those 12 glorious days.

Spring Time

As I sit by the pond it's surface barely moving clear enough to see the mossy bottom on a clear cool evening filled with floating swarms of tiny nats and a hint of coming summer I glory in all of gods wonderful creation. Ducklings. Tiny baby bunny rabbits gray swan ducklings a first for me. So many new little creatures that have only been alive for maybe a week their parents cautiously watching me walk by and find my seat on the nearby picnic table softly quaking or rustling about in the bushes just to warn their children there could be possible danger. As I sit down a mother duck and two ducklings splash quickly away across the pond to the opposite bank I think of how this is one of the most glorious pictures of our god I have ever seen. He watches over so diligently so caring and so gentle. But always there to tell us to run to watch out for the danger that is so much dangerous than me sitting down at the table. I watch the ducklings dnking into the water just as their parents do tryong to copy them they are learning survival skills right in front Of my eyes skills that will keep them alive. Important things just like the important things I have been learning here at capernwray. Things that will kep me alive for well eternity. Skills that I have learned starting with my parents at home and now with many "parents" here. Skills I learn direct fr god through his word and through my brothers and sisters. With spring in full swing great excitent is in the air but also extreme sadness and anxiety. I have to say good bye to this place soon say goodbye to this country. Say goodbye to the absolutely amazing people I have come to love. Is itnot fitting that at this time in the year when everything is new fresh and starting over that I to must start over be fresh and have yet another "new life". I have to grow up now. Be on my own next year. It's spring time. I've seen lots of them and yet this one holds great significance in my life.
But there is still a little chill in the air a little bit of the hard winter England has seen this year is holding on. The winter in me won't fade that easy either it clings on with all it'd strength and some help from the enemyas he tries to foil gods wonderful plan for life. He doesn't like the spring Happening in me he hated it and he will do all he can to freeze it over again. I must fight back swith all the spring I have with a much greater help from god the father. His springtime is so much more powerful than any frost the enemy can send my way.

Sun

The past two days have been insanely warm here at Capernwray. It was literally 80 some degrees yesterday for Open Day there 976 people here visiting and they even got the huge slip inside out in the pasture out front. All the students got a go in the evening after our dinner. It was a blast but now I am so sore from all the running and sliding! But it was worth it.

I'm forlorn today. Even through all the sun and warmth and beauty of coming summer, I am forlorn. What does that word even mean? "pitifully sad or lonely." what a crap word, but it's true. forlorn.

Charity, our wonderful RA here at Capes, gave the message this morning at church. She spoke on the power of our thoughts, the control that the enemy can have over them, and how they just eat us up.

Isn't that just so true, our thoughts are so powerfully helpful or hurtful. I mean like really powerful. I have spent the last 9 months thinking to myself..."DO NOT GET SICK, DO NOT GET SICK, DO NOT GET SICK." and you know what, I have not been sick once in the past 9 flippin' months! It works. But also our thought can be hurtful. I find myself just beating myself up inside, worrying, thinking and reading to much into situations and how I and others in my life are feeling. My thoughts eat me from the inside out. Even when it is absolutely beautiful outside.

I ask God for the courage to take His Joy that he gives us everyday fresh and new. A joy better than the springtime a joy deeper than the core of the earth itself. A joy so wonderful that we cannot manufacture it here on earth.

Joy, I take the joy of the Lord Almighty.

the amazingness of God's word

Is it not the coolest thing when the God of the universe just speaks to you straight out of his word?

And on top of that, getting to share that with someone and having it speak to them in the same way!

Our God is incredible!

Psalm 16…read it, over and over and over…

What promises, what contentment can come from the verses contained in this song, this psalm, this little poem. As I read them on 16 May, God was speaking straight into my heart from his word. One of the most incredible experiences of my life, and yet so simple.

Galatians 6:11 Paul writes,

“See what large letters I use as I write to you with my own hand.”

Reading this in Galatians just gave me a picture of Paul, sitting somewhere, penning this letter to the people of Galatia, and as he comes to what is now chapter six, he changes his handwriting and begins to write in big block capital letters. He is driving his point home, he wants to make sure that the Galatians really do get what he is trying to say.

I do this all the time when I write letters, if there is something that I really want the recipient of my letter to get, to understand and to truly feel, I USE BLOCK CAPS! I just love that Paul did this too. And what better to do it for than for the glory of God? There is nothing better is there? NO!!!

This verse just made the fact that this book I am reading thousands of years later, really was a letter at one time, sent in some prehistoric way, no stamps, so post code used to let the mail service know where it was supposed to go. Just a scroll, maybe tied together, or sealed with wax, just a letter. May the church in Galatia was waiting for it, maybe they had no idea it was coming, maybe it was a wonderful surprise to see Paul’s greeting at the beginning of the letter, maybe all the elders gathered around as someone read it out loud, then maybe everyone listened raptly as they read it to the greater congregation.

I love getting mail. It is something to think that a little piece of paper has been under a dear friends hand, has had a little bit of their soul placed onto the paper in blue, black, green or red ink. Their mind has thought about what words they were putting down on that thin piece of tree, maybe wondered if I would laugh at what they had written, or wondered if their words were really enough….I know i think those things when I write letters. Then this letter has traveled thousands of miles across a huge expanse of ocean to make it right into my pigeon hole labeled with ‘N’ where I run up from the conference hall at coffee break to find it there sitting, waiting for me.

The beauty of the written word is beyond. Thank God he gave us the gift of words and writing.

Work...and the changes of my heart.

Well...I've never really been a huge fan of working. I like playing. Lots of free time to sit and read my favorite books (and a new one every now and again) to watch a good movie, talk with a good friend, or just sit quietly and listen.

But work, too, has its great opportunities for growth, fun and enjoyment.
I have worked since 8 this morning, it is now almost 4 in the afternoon. Probably one of the longer days I have worked in the recent past. And, as exhausting as it has been, it was a great day.

My feet hurt.
But I used the pain to remind me of how little and insignificant it is compared to what many other people suffer on a daily basis, what Jesus suffered on the cross, and what I will probably suffer in my future.

I am tired.
But I said, "there is time to be tired later." I did not want to slough off what I needed to do today, I wanted to make sure Capernwray Hall was ready for the ladies of this weekends ladies conference to enjoy.

I leave tomorrow.
But I did not want to use that as an excuse for not doing my job. I wanted to do the very best that I could do for the Glory of God.

This is a little bit of a "go Beau" post, but this is a big milestone for me. I am learning to no longer do things for myself, I do things for God. And because of that, I do things better. I do things more efficiently. I do things without complaining as much. I do things, and I enjoy them more because I KNOW God is enjoying the praise I am giving him in my actions and thoughts.

One thing I have learned in my time here at Capernwray, in lectures, in my travels, in my quiet times, God is everywhere. He is in the small things, the big things, the ordinary things, the extraordinary things, the new things, the old things, the sad things and the happy things.

God is everywhere!

The power of a picture.

A picture is worth a thousand words...

We have all heard that one, in disney movies, from our parents, on the news, and in magazines. It has been proven over and over by tabloids across the planet. Pictures have the power to ruin lives, end jobs, relationships and to devastate.

They also have the power to evoke real strong and raw emotion. Emotion that is connected to the memory of the first look at that picture. Emotion that will forever be in my heart, and mind.

The background on my beautiful MacBook Pro changes every minute. I have hundreds of pictures in a folder that are prepared to come up next. I don't know what connections go on inside this hunk of technology to make them come up or what decides which one comes on next, but sometimes, most times, the picture that comes up next is the perfect picture to me.

God is even in technology. He is everywhere!

Pictures of The first term of Capernwray pop up...Kinsley and I, on a bench together at Windermear Lake...Kyia, Amy, Brady, Libby and I on the tower the very first week of winter school, posing like crazy people...
Pictures of home...Rahne and I at my Graduation Party...Mom, Dad, Carlie and I at the airport in Denver the day I left for school...and so many pictures of this past summer...tubing with Brandon...Carlie on the jet ski...

Pictures so close to my heart they might actually be living breathing things. They dance into my cornea's and awaken so many different thoughts, emotions and feelings inside me it is so hard to remember that they are just a moment caught in time, a moment that is gone, forever never to be retrieved...a moment that can only be remembered through a picture. But are they something more? That moment is also in my memory, a thing more powerful sometimes than anything I have ever witnessed.

But that is a whole other subject...

Read With Me! cont'd

Matthew 16
v. 24 and following

These are some of the hardest verses I have read. "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it.

Wow. How powerful is that? We must take up our cross...what does that mean? In Bible times it was very literal. As followers of Christ the disciples were risking their lives to follow him. If they were charged and ordered to be crucified they would have to literally take up and carry their cross up to the crucifixion site. But what about today...I myself haven't heard of anyone being crucified in Alliance...well ever really. What does it mean to take up our cross for Jesus sake? We must still commit to Jesus whole heartedly, and maybe sometimes that might mean we lose friends, lose position, lose family even, and yes we might still lose our life. Many people die for their faith every day. In the western world we do not see this as much as in the east, where persecution is real and harsh. But it still is not an easy way out to be a follower of Christ.

"What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul?" (v.26) This is now a song with the lyrics "I don't wanna gain the whole world and lose my soul" which is very true. So many things tell us to go out their and try and conquer the world, make all the money you can and do it any way, lie...steal...cheat your way to the top. We see many of the super rich charged with bribery, embezzlement and so many other illegal things that got them their wealth and luxury. But if we gain the whole world and lose our souls, in the end was it worth it? Absolutely not.

Matthew 17
How strong is faith?
v. 21
"I tell you if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. nothing will be impossible for you."

That is AWESOME completely and utterly awesome! Faith is our greatest asset, our most powerful weapon, our biggest defender! Faith that can move mountains.

one book, two friends, one beautiful afternoon…

Quincie and I decided to head up to the “Sherwood Forest” today and take along Q’s copy of “Robin Hood and His Band of Merrie Men” We spent the afternoon reading aloud to each other, and talking about things on our hearts. I even read some poetry out of a new poetry book I got.

A perfect afternoon spent with a best friend.

the little things, are what make the days so wonderful in this magical

Read With Me! ~Matthew~

It is Spring School time, and that means it is time for the New Testament!

And what does the New Testament start with? Matthew that's right! So I'll blog about what I am reading in the great book of Matthew as I go through it, and I'm going to attempt to keep this going throughout the whole New Testament! Good luck to me!


Matthew 1 and 2

Jesus! Welcome to the world. What a great opening to the New Testament, the arrival of our Savior. What a humble beginning. A barn, a manger, some hay, and smelly animals for the King of Kings? What is wrong with this picture....nothing...it's perfect and beautiful.


Matthew 4

Alright, who's idea was it for Jesus to be lead into the desert and have to starve for forty days? What is this, it's crazy. And then, after he has been fasting for FORTY DAYS, in case you missed that, he is tempted by the devil himself. The thing that makes me laugh and wonder is v. 2 "AFter fasting forty days and forty nights, he was hungry" (speaking of Jesus) He was hungry? Really? You think? If this was the 'Beau Standard Version" this verse would say something like, "after fasting FOREVER Jesus ABSOLUTELY, UTTERLY, COMPLETELY AND INCANDESCENTLY FAMISHED, STARVING AND READY TO EAT AN ENTIRE HORSE, COW, DOG, SHEEP, CHICKEN, WALLABEE, WHALE, ELEPHANT, AND ANYTHING ELSE IN THE GENERAL VICINITY. That is what my version would say.

I will admit, on an empty stomach, I can very tempted to fall into the sin of gluttony, and other things, and I get hungry after a few hours! But Jesus, he is the man! He does not give in to satan's temptations. He uses the power of the Scriptures to get through the temptation.
v.4
"Jesus answered, "It is written: 'Man does not live on bread alone, but on every word taht comes from the mouth of God.'"

Jesus rebukes the devil with Scripture! I powerful and awesome is that! I can do that to. When I am tempted, I can use Scripture to remind me, and Satan, of the power I have over him.

Twice more the devil tempts Jesus, and twice more Jesus tells satan what is up with Scripture.


Matthew 5
The Sermon on the Mount.

Blessed...Well I for one want to be blessed so I am going to start working on being those things that Jesus said get you blessed! The poor in spirit, those who mourn, the meek, those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, the merciful, the pure in heart, the peacemakers, those who are persecuted.

Alright, I'm going to be blessed. I am going to hunger and thirst for righteousness, be merciful and pure in spirit, all of those things. I want to be blessed, desire to be blessed by the Lord. If Jesus said this is how it is done, then that is how it is done!

Jesus goes on to talk about Salt and Light. I am the salt of the earth, Jesus said. I did a short message on our 'lights' for Jesus while on Ten Day Outreach in Morley. I talked about how we sometimes hide our lights, and then we also allow other things or people to hide our lights, and that if we are going to be lights for Jesus we much get rid of all those things and let our light shine bright! There are so many songs that come into my head when I think of my light for Jesus..."This Little Light of Mine," "Go Light Your World" "Shine (my favorite Newsboys song) so many wonderful songs talking about bringing our lights into a dark world!

Love your enemies? What? Even though I've heard it a thousand times I still have a hard time digesting it. Love my enemies, and pray for those who persecute me. OK...so I need to love the people who have hurt me, those who have never been my friend, those who have spoken about me behind my back. I will pray for them, I will work on loving them...I may not want to be best friends with them, but pray and love I will do.

This is a hard one, the human nature in me wants to just hurt them back so much, to never speak to or of them for the rest of my life and to tell everyone what they did to me. But, no, I can't do that, I will show them Jesus through my love and compassion towards them.

Matthew 6
Prayer...
This past six months at Capernwray has given me time to really work on my prayer life and quiet time spent with God. What a gift that has been! I have learned the true value and utter power there is in prayer. So many of my prayers have been answered during my time here, and I am positive more will be answered. I have learned that the motivation of my prayers is important. Is it to get somethig out of it? Or is it to spend time with God? Worship is an integral part of prayer, the biggest part of prayer I think. It is a time spent in direct communion with the most high God! The most high God who wants and desires to listen to me of all people! Now isn't that amazing.
Fasting...
Hmmm...I like food. But I have done a few fasts. I survived amazingly, but I am not sure if they were the correct way to fast. This one is still a new one to me...I'll keep you updated. I just like food...a lot.

Matthew 12

I do not want to be like the Pharisees, who knew what the Scriptures said, but did not understand the true meaning of them. I want to understand that God spoken meaning contained in the words on the pages of my Bible.

Matthew 13 verses 44-46

I love these few short passages about what the Kingdom of heaven is and how it is obtained. The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field. And when man discovers the treasure he goes and SELLS EVERYTHING so that he can buy that field and have the treausre. What I find great is that, he doens't just take the treasure, there is no 'finder's keepers' the man goes and sells all his worldly possesions so that he can buy the field and therefore OWN the treasure also. It is his officially after he has bought the field. The best thing is, heaven in actuality is a gift to us as long as we believe on the Lord Jesus Christ and what he did on the cross and in his resurrection.


to be continued...

I WILL

What do you do when your head is full of different ideas,,,
so many choices to make...
too many paths that one person can take?

What do you do when everything sounds like it will be the best thing in the world...
sounds like if you don't do this you will regret it forever...
sounds like God's calling on my life?

I just wish God would place a huge flashing billboard over the right path...
the right idea...
the right way...
the right job...
the right city...
the right person...
the right answer.

I believe in choices. We make choices. Yes God is all knowing, he knows what choice we made yesterday, what choice we made today and what choice we will make tomorrow, but we still have choices to make. There are so many choices. I want to make the best one, the one God has set before me to fulfill HIS will for my life. I want to be used by Him in incredible ways, in people's lives, in the world, at home. I want to join in with my friends ideas of building schools in Africa, in starting a youth center in England, in having a summer Ranch camp somewhere in Montana. I want to come up with my own amazing ideas to further the kingdom of heaven. I want to be involved in a church. I want to bring one person to Christ, I want to bring the whole world to Christ. I want to take the gospel to a people who have never heard it before. I want to bring Bible's to people who live where it is illegal to even speak the name of Jesus. I want to risk my life for God. He gave his son, what shouldn't i want to do for that?

There are so many things I want to do for God...what does he want me to do for Him?

But if I am living for God, what isn't done for Him? If my life is centered around Him, I am always a part of His plan, I am always following in His steps, listening to His voice, and following His will.

Why doesn't it always feel like that then?

Why, sometimes, does it feel like I'm a tiny little boat on a great big sea full of snapping turtles, killer sharks, and jelly fish just waiting to gobble me up? Then in a forest, set on fire, smoking me out, burning my heals as I run for life towards the Lord only to find He is still just over the next hill....just over the next hill...just over the next hill.

If I am going to live my life for God I better expect the sharks and jelly fish, I better expect the fire to be hot, to burn and to consume! But I KNOW it will never consume me! God is on my side, he has me hedged in on all sides. He is guiding, has been guiding me and will always be guiding me! I MUST rely on HIM! Always and forever.

Nothing more, nothing less.

I will pray...I will listen...I will read the Bible, discern what it has to speak to me. God will show me, in little pieces, the plan he has for me, and I will do my best to follow it. There will be times where I will get lost, where I will stray off the path set before me, where I will see a short cut that I think looks better, looks easier, more tantalizing than the one I am on, but even when I do wander off, when I do get lost, God will still be with me, will still be there speaking quietly into my ear telling me how to find His path again.

I WILL make the best choice, the one God has set before me to fulfill HIS will for my life. I WILL be used by Him in incredible ways, in people's lives, in the world, at home. I WILL join in with my friend's ideas of building schools in Africa, in starting a youth center in England, in having a summer Ranch camp somewhere in Montana. I WILL come up with my own amazing ideas to further the kingdom of heaven. I WILL be involved in a church. I WILL bring one person to Christ, I WILL TRY to bring the whole world to Christ. I WILL take the gospel to a people who have never heard it before. I WILL bring Bible's to people who live where it is illegal to even speak the name of Jesus. I WILL risk my life for God.

And I will be the best Christ follower I can be. The best Child of the one true God I can be. The best Christian I can be!!!

London:

Friday 19 March.

Woke up at the butt crack of the English dawn to catch the 5:19 train from Carnforth to Lancaster and then the 5:35 to London Euston Station. Brad mom and I enjoyed the very quick train ride through the English countryside. Upon arriving in London, we caught the tube to King's Cross Station to make a quick stop by Platform 9 3/4 for the avid Harry fan in our traveling group (ME!) What a great thing to have a picture of. Then we got back on the tube to find our hotel near Victoria Station. As we exited the tube station we walked up into London and immediately in front of us was the Apollo Victoria Theatre where 'Wicked' is on stage! What a great thing to see since we already had tickets to see it the next day!

We found our hotel pretty quickly, it was just a short stroll, lugging by two backpacks and trying to make sure mom didn't get run over by a double decker on the first day ;) After dropping our stuff at the hotel, changing to a different room so we can feed our tech appetites, we headed back to Victoria to use the Tube once again. We headed to see Big Ben, Parliament, The Tower of London, Tower Bridge, St. Paul's, the Globe Theatre and everything in between. What a wonderful day spent touring such a beautiful city! After our long day of walking, training, and tubing we made it back to the hotel, rested for an hour or so, booked rooms in Florence and such, then headed to dinner just across the street from our place. What a wonderful dinner. I had Wasabi Swordfish with veggies and rice, so delicious.

After that crazy day we slept soundly, and didn't wake up until 10 the next morning, even mom slept in! Saturday morning we headed to Harrods, just to see the mega department store, and get a little souvenir! We saw the Princess Diana memorial and Brad and I got our picture taken in front of the Emma Watson for Burberry poster! Dream come true! Then we tubed back to Victoria and headed to 'WICKED' :) The theatre foyer was lit with green light, filled with people of all shapes and nationalities, i spotted a man wearing my old Coogi sweater, and mom and I both enjoyed the Art Deco decorated wash rooms. What an awesome show! The first act alone was so awesome I could hardly believe that there was still a second part. The costumes, music, acting, and settings were beautiful and magical. At interval Brad headed to watch his boys, the Arsenal team, play West Ham (and win 2 -0) but before he left we decided to squeeze in another show, so we planned to meet at the evening showing of 'Billy Elliot.' Such a good choice! Although very different from Wicked, Billy Elliot was just as beautiful, with a heart wrenching plot, and a 12 year old boy lead, I was in awe the entire show with his talent, voice and dancing. The show featured ballet, tap, and just general hilariousness thrown in! What a perfect day! Today (21 March) mom and I said goodbye to Brad and headed to catch the Eurostar train to Paris!

Jesus Teaches about Worry: Matthew 7:25-34

v. 25
"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not he life more important than food, and the body more important then clothes?"

Do not worry about your life...
Ok.
Don't worry.
Easy enough?

HA, yeah right. I worry about my future, my career, university next year, tomorrow for crying out loud. No, I don't let worry run my life, but I'm not free of worry. Yes, my life is way more important than the food I put into it (although I really enjoy some of the food I put into my mouth) and my body is way more important than the clothes I put onto it (and yes, I do enjoy great clothes) But what about things that have a little more pull? What about things that have gravity in my life...college...a family...a job...money...and so many others.

v.33
"But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well."

Seek first His kingdom. Seek first heaven, the abode of God and of the faithful after death, seek first the spiritual reign or authority of God (as my trusty mac dictionary put 'kingdom') So seek heaven, live as if I will be winging off to heaven tomorrow. Prepare for it, that glorious place of eternal worship of the Most High.

If I look forward to heaven, I can see how worry would slide right out of my vision and thought. But the moment I take my eyes down from their heavenly gaze, all that worry would wash in like Niagara Falls.

v. 34
"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

Hm. I never really thought of days having trouble, but I suppose, with us troublesome humans all up in the days grill, they would have a lot to trouble over. This verse makes sense, why worry about something that is coming no matter what I do, something that God already knows about, something that...yes...worries about itself, takes care of itself.

Worry causes wrinkles.
Worry causes sleepless nights.
Worry causes ulcers, heart attacks, and headaches.

Why worry.

It is now seeming to be a pretty legitimate question.

I love how the Bible makes me think, makes me question what I think, know, say is true. It is the greatest book I have ever read, and I'm not even done with it yet. What powerful messages are contained in its pages I have not even begun to skim the surface.

Comfortably UNcomfortable

My life as a follower of Jesus Christ is not a comfortable one. I am told that I will have troubles I will be persecuted I will be uncfprtable. But when I am uncomfortable do I find comfort in it or do I rely on God in it? Am I comfortably uncomfortable? I am very nervous and scared to go to Africa in 25 days. I am continually reminding myself that I must rely on God in my insecurities. But where is the line which divides relying on God and being comfortable with my insecurities, if we are to be uncomfortable in our lives should we be glad when we are or should it make Us so sick to our stomachs we cannot help but throw ourselves into God’s arms.

it's not about bunnies...

…colorful eggs, marshmallow peeps, or the arrival of multiple family members. Easter is so much more than what is has commercially come to be known as. This holiday is to remember that our savior chose to die on a cross, a death he did not deserve, took on all of the world’s sin…

all of my sin…

so that no one else would need to die.

Jesus suffered at the hands of Caiphas, Pilate, and countless others who mocked him.

All for me…

All for you…

Being from home for this holiday has really made me sit back and look at the true reason we celebrate, not just to get another day off of school or work. But to remember what Jesus did for us.

What God gave to us.

We watched “The Passion of the Christ” last night. I haven’t watched it since it came out, however long ago that was. And I probably won’t watch it for some time again. But it is something to see how graphic the beatings Jesus went through were. It makes al the paintings I have ever seen of the crucifiction of Jesus seem like watered down version of nonsense. Jesus didn’t look angelic as he hung on the cross with a samll drop of blood from his brow or his side, a light breeze rustling his hair.

No.

He was beaten to a bloody pulp…

and all for me…

all for you.

All because Pilate had to apese an angry mob…

all because God sent Jesus for it…

all because Jesus CHOSE to.

But does the death of Jesus on the cross mean we have to go around wearing sackcloth, and mourning all the time?

NO!!!

Jesus is ALIVE!!!

That is the power of this holiday we call Easter.

Our savior conquered death, a cross, beatings, and the grave!!!!

I know my redeemer lives!

What a happy ending…

the perfect happy ending.

Happy Easter!

What.A.Day!

I trekked my way across the Yorkshire Dales this morning to the lovely city of York. Which is actually the predecessor to...yep, you guessed it... New York! A beautiful city full of winding streets, tiny shops, and of course Starbucks on every corner.

Not only did we get to take in the usual sites of York we also were witness to the annual Viking Festival. And yes, when I say Viking I mean VIKING! Complete with fur vest and horned helmet.

One of the top attractions in York is the York Minster Abbey, a beautiful gothic style cathedral that towers over the rest of the York skyline. I, being the extremely frugal young man that i am, did not feel the need to pay the 8 pounds to visit the sanctuary and crypts (ew) so I was satisfied with the entrance hall and glimpses into the rest of the cathedral.

As I stood under the sixty foot high ceilings watching scores of people lay down their bills and plastic cards to enter the cathedral I wandered what Jesus would think of it. People paying to enter His house just because it was not a Sunday. Would He think it was right?

I have officially become my mother's son. I went into two, that's right count them, ONE, TWO antique shops today! And was I glad I did? Yes I sure was! Not only did get to see things that immediatly reminded me of my mom and Nancy, but I viewed third century Roman Jewelry, Victorian diamond bracelets (priced at 1,200 pounds) and troves of other amazing items.

After arriving back at Capernwray tonight I made my way down to the Conference Hall to join in the viewing of "Blood Diamond." What a Film (copyright James Martin) I have not been moved by a movie like I was by this one in quite some time! There were so many pictures of Christ, and God in the movie I was constantly on the verge of tears throughout the show. One of my favorite lines near the end after one of the main characters had fought the entire movie to save his son,
"I am your father, and you will come home and be my son."
What a beautiful picture of our Lord. Fighting day in a day out to get us back, to let us know He loves us, to let us know we are welcome home no matter what we have done.

The scenery of the movie was incredible. Stunning African vista's were exploding into my cornea's every time I looked at the screen! And it only made me that much more excited to be visiting such a beautiful country in little over two months!

After the film, and after a quick birthday party in the laundry room and a worship session with Jen at the lounge piano, I made my way back up to the zoo (my room). James and I talked about how the film impacted us. James is so passionate about everything that God puts in his mind, and I am so jealous of his great zeal and determination to see his dreams through. We talked about how we, as westerners, are so comfortable in our lives. And how most of the world is without food or clean water nearly everyday. It is very eye opening just to think about what that means.

With both of us heading to africa over the course of the next few months everything about the subject just seems to be so relevant.

But I also have had a sort of revelation of sorts over the past few days. I am so excited to be able to take God's love to Africa. And I could see myself doing that on a regular basis...but then what about the unsaved in my own country? What about the unsaved that live right down the street from me?

I have always considered a missionary someone who goes practically off the face of the planet to bring the gospel to as of yet unknown people who wear leaves for clothes and use clicks instead of words. But are we not all called to be missionaries for the Lord, and does God not tell us to do this WHERE WE ARE?

I have always feared a "normal life." I have feared becoming complacent with where I live, and what my job will be. But if God calls me to live in Nebraska for the rest of my life and if He calls me to be, heaven forbid, a State Farm Insurance agent :) then I will be a missionary in Nebraska and at Beau Neville State Farm Insurance offices. I will serve the Lord, and bring the gospel to wherever He calls me too. I am EXCITED to do that!

I have never felt so on absolute fire for God in all of my life.

How great is HE?

Thank you God for speaking to me, for satisfying me, for teaching me contentment! Thank you for saving me through the death of your son, Jesus Christ. And thank you for continuing to accept me as your son, even when I do not deserve it, or even want it. Praise you for all you do in my life, for all you have given me and my family, and for all you will do and give in the future. You are Great, Awesome, and MOST worthy of praise!!!

Church and God's calling!

Story to start it off…

There was a man who worked at a factory and one day, as he was heading out of the factory to home, he was stopped at the exit because he was leaving with a wheelbarrow and a box. The guard at the gate asked, “What is in the box?” The man answered, “It is just a box of sawdust from the floor I am taking home for my animals.” This continued all week. Everyday the man would head out of work, and everyday he was stopped by the guard, and everyday he said, “it is just a box of sawdust i am taking home for my animals.” By the end of the week the guard was so suspicious of the man that he decided he was just going to ask him what was really up. When the man with the wheelbarrow and the box came out on friday the guard said, “Alright, tell me really what is going on, I won’t turn you in, I just need to know what you are up to.” The factory worker paused…then siad, “I’m stealing wheelbarrows.”

Is it not so amazingly true that we often focus on such little things that we completely miss the big things that are staring us in the face!

The church service started off with some of the most amazing, and wonderfully lifting worship I have ever participated in. I feel so close to God when I am singing my heart out, and when the students of Capernwray sing, they we really sing. The Conference Hall resonates with the Lord’s praises. It is one of the most wonderful and beautifully majestic sounds I have ever heard. So many people unswervingly and unreservedly worshiping God at one time is so humbling to be a part of. I just cannot wrap my mound around the fact that God can hear everything our hearts are crying out to Him when we are all crying out at the same time. What an awesome God we serve!

As I listened to the sermon today, given on Ezekiel 47:1-12 by an Irishman, I heard the Lord speak to me as clear as I ever have. I have been worried that, by settling for an instate college, not feeling a ‘call’ to the mission field, or not constantly feeling like I am right on track that I might not be doing what God has willed for me. And then, as I sat in church this morning, God said there are just as many people who need to hear about Him, and whom I can talk to, and whom I can witness to as an example at the University of Nebraska, than there are if I were to go anywhere else or do anything else. And God has called me to attend UNL to be a light for Him, and to carry out His plan He has for me there. I am now so excited to start that next step in my life I can hardly contain it! God is so good!

Love

Some people really just show love at the best times!

I got a little note from a friend here at cape today, and it was much needed and much appreciated!!

It is so great to hear how much you are loved, and glorious to see it written on a beautiful note.

Loves